Finding My Voice

By Lacey Missens

Lacey on a Treaty Walk in Fort Qu'Appelle last September

 

I’m sitting here, thinking to myself, what should I write down? when I have so many things I could say to myself and everyone around me. I just don’t know how to put my words on the page. I do know I have a voice and the people around me know I do; still, I’m just trying to find mine when I’m in front of crowds.

These are my thoughts during the Kairos Blanket Exercise. I was always a shy person and many times I didn’t want to read the Blanket Exercise script. I would watch my classmates. Every time I would try to step up, I would try to say I wanted to finally read, but I would start thinking to myself I know I won’t be able to do this because people around me will doubt me and my thoughts would listen to those people and I would start to doubt my own self.  

When I went to Balgonie, I read for the first time. It was hard for me because that’s when my thoughts came into my head and I would start to have bad thoughts. For many people around me, they could speak in front of the crowd because they found their voices and everyone has a story.

Lacey reading from the Kairos Blanket Exercise script

for the first time in Balgonie, second from the right

When I found out about this class, I didn’t know what I was getting into. When I walked in on the first day we were in a talking circle and there weren’t too many people around me. I was still scared to speak up; to this day I’m still learning who I am and what I could actually do to motivate other people around me. I did learn that I shouldn’t care about what other people think about me when I do speak. People around you will listen to what you’ve got to say for yourself.

My goal from now to the end of the year is… I hope I will find my voice. I know I can see a difference from my first day in this class to present day. I’m slowly starting to find my voice in me. I just think you should never give up on what you believe in and push yourself to the good things in life instead of the negative.

Back row, Left to Right: Lacey, Taish, Jason Weitzel (principal of Balgonie)

Raimey, Glen, Kisis Cappo (from Balcarres) and Raven

Front row, Left to Right: Austin, Calen, Michael

 

My Year

by Raven Cook

 

Lately I’ve been asking myself “Is everything I’m doing going to be worth it?”

We’re two months into 2018. The whole thing with New Year’s resolutions (New Year, new me) has me thinking about what I want to change about myself. I have probably failed most of my resolutions already, haha. But when we fail at something we can choose to let it break us or we can choose to learn from our failure and come back stronger.

The more I've thought about it, I’ve noticed I have a lot of things to look forward to my last semester of high school. With days going by so fast, I guess I’ve been scared for this semester to end. Things I look forward to is travelling with my “oski-family”; finally graduating high school; and continuing my journey. I think these next few months will probably be some of my favourite and will help me find some sense of self.

When I turned 20, I had this feeling that it’s actually going to be “my year.” The year I find some true happiness and my happiness won’t be temporary, like I’m so used to it being. The support I have from my “oski-family” makes me feel I can keep going.  

Everything I’ve done with Oski-pimohtahtamwak otayisīniwiwaw has always been worth doing. So I think the answer I’ve been looking for is “yes, it’s all going to be worth it.” Everything will be okay.

 

 

 

 

The Most Loving Group Hug

The Most Loving Group Hug
by Michael Starr-Desnomie

The day when we got on the bus I was really pumped to go to a different school to show people about the Kairos Blanket Exercise, sharing the history of Canada that they didn’t know about. Driving to Regina was a good, looking out the windows and seeing beautiful land and animals.

When we got to Mother Theresa Middle School I knew it was a Catholic school. I and my brother were outside of school grounds having a smoke before we went in. Walking into the school, looking around, it was a pretty nice school, I've got to say.

We met Evan Whitestar who told us that he grew up in Fort Qu’Appelle. He told us all that he did for the Fort. It was good to meet another Fort kid that became big. He was telling me and my classmates about the history that he had in the Fort. He knew a couple people that played for the Fort Knox and that went into the WHL. I didn’t know that. It was great hearing what he was saying, what he did when he lived in the Fort. When he was done talking to us the principal, Terri Cote, showed us the gym so we could get set up for the Blanket Exercise.

 

 

The Blanket Exercise went good; there were over 60 kids in the gym, all in a circle. After the blanket exercise we always ask the people to get into a circle so we can talk about how we think and feel. Some of the kids in the circle didn’t want to speak, so I was waiting until it was my turn.

At the beginning I told my brother Taish I’m going to pour my heart out. I bro-handshaked him, then went back to the talking circle, waiting for my turn.

I was the last one to speak.

When it was my turn I stood up.  

I spoke my heart out. I was telling all of them, “You are all leaders and family to me.” I also told them, “I don’t care what color you are, I care for each and every one of you like family. I give you – each and every one of you – Much Love and Respect."

 

I told them about the kids from the north that are needing our help and I told them my reactions. How I couldn’t get through the first 4 pages on the book called Shhh… Listen We Have Something to Say. I told them what I wanted to do. How I was feeling on that day. That I needed to talk to someone about how I wanted to help them and on the ideas that would work for them. I felt their pain. I know what they went through, and don’t call me crazy, but I heard their voices in my head saying help me Michael.

I couldn’t sit down or stay still for a long time. Told them who I talked to on the phone, what I told them, how I was feeling and what was on my heart. There was a lot of pressure on my heart. I told them I don’t care what people say if I cry in front of people, it shows me that I’m a true man, standing my ground, speaking my heart out to people, telling them how my life is, like the Blanket Exercise told them my history, how it all made me the man that I am today, how it made me became a great leader.

When I was done talking I told them all thank you. One of my teachers, Sherie McKay, who was helping us with the blanket exercise said, “Michael deserves a group hug” and I said, “If you guys want, I’m a hugger.”

Some kids came running up to me and hugged me, then all 60 kids came up and hugged me. Well, I got a good group hug with mostly all of them.

They told me that what I said, it touched all of them and I felt happy and loved by all of them. It was an amazing feeling. I had never gotten a group hug in a Blanket Exercise. I’ve got to say, that was the best Blanket Exercise that I have ever had.

It Was a Beautiful Day: It’s Great to get the Community Together

It Was a Beautiful Day: It’s Great to get the Community Together

by Austin Elliott

 

The Christmas Dinner was a fun and productive day. Everybody did such an amazing job. I just want to say thank you to the cooks who prepared a wonderful dinner. Everything was just amazing. I enjoyed the great food and enjoyed talking with my friends. I would also like to say thanks for everyone for their help.

It was such a wonderful day. I’m glad I woke up to come.  When the band came it made it a whole lot better, not as much as the violin though because I grew up listening to the violin, and hearing these people who played it was a blessing to hear their skills.

Thanks everyone who participated in the Christmas dinner. It was a beautiful day, so thank you. It’s great to get the community together and have good laughs and good talks.

Getting my classmate Taish to be Santa was funny. He had a good time being Santa and the rest of our class did awesome being Santa’s little helpers.

 

 

 

 

Respectful, Good Listeners

To the students and staff at Grenfell High School:

The Grenfell blanket exercise was a fun and productive experience. We got to know really wonderful people at GHS; you were very respectful during the teaching of the blanket exercise. I hope what we taught impacted you in a respectful way. I hope the teaching gave you a different perspective on how indigenous peoples think.

The students were really interested in learning the blanket exercise and hopefully we can go back and do a little more teaching to them. Everybody who came and listened to us showed so much kindness. I would like to say thank you GHS for your cooperation to take the time to learn what we teach and what we do. I’m very grateful for everything you guys did, so much respect was shown at the time we were there.

I can’t thank you more for everything you did while we were there.

I wouldn’t be doing this with oski-pimohtahtamwak otayisīniwiwaw because I have social anxiety. It gets really hard for me to do stuff like this with my class. I’m thankful for your understanding. I wonder if you would like to know more about what we’re doing; if I could actually talk to you, I would say it myself, that you’re very respectful, good listeners and also very outstanding people.

Grenfell High, have a wonderful rest of your year.

Yours truly,

Austin Elliott

I Hear You and I'm Here to Help You

I Hear You and I’m Here to Help You

by Michael Starr-Desnomie

 

 

The day that Meredith Newman came to visit BFCHS, it was an honor to meet her finally. She was Corey O’Soup’s assistant and she came all the way from Saskatoon. She came a long way to meet us. When I first met her I thought she was going to be short, but when I looked up, she was taller than me. I felt short. My classmates and I shook her hand and said our names.

I spoke with her on the phone about two or three weeks before. I had told Miss.Koops when I was reading the book’  Shhh… Listen We Have Something to Say Youth voices From the North that I couldn’t get through the first four pages because of reading and learning a lot of indigenous kids are needing help.

Young kids committing suicide had a lot of impact on my heart. I was shaking. I was hearing all of those kids’ voices saying, “Michael help me.” I couldn’t sit down, not even for a minute. I needed to talk to somebody about it ASAP.

When I went to tell my teacher she said, “You want me to call somebody for you?” Because of what I had read in the book I wanted to take action as soon as possible. Miss. Koops phoned Meredith, so that I could talk to her and say what I really needed to say.

When I was talking on the phone with Meredith I told her that mostly, what I really want to do, is to help every single kid and youth from the north. I heard their voices and I’m willing to help them until the day that they cremate me.

I will be watching over them and telling the creator to send his best warriors down to earth to help our people. When Meredith came to see us I told her that I have some ideas that can help the kids from the north to make them go on the right path not the dark path, because the creator made us for a reason. He gave us all gifts that we don’t know about, that we have to find out for ourselves.

They have to remember what runs through their veins. Their ancestors are always here to help as well. They can go to sweats to speak to an elder, to tell them what’s going on, so they can help them heal and make them better. They can go to ceremonies to make them who they really are on the inside and find who they can really be.

These kids need our help. I will do everything and anything to help out the kids from the north even if it takes my last breath. When I was talking to Meredith in the culture room I was telling her about the time I read my poem.

The very first time on Orange Shirt Day and that I got invited to the Saskatchewan School Board Association (SSBA) and told her that it went viral, but I was mostly talking about the book, that I wanted to help with and help every single kid. I told her that kids don’t deserve the things they’re going through. I know how they feel and I know their pain.

I’ve been through it as well. I battled my demons. I tried to fight it alone, but I couldn’t do it by myself. I needed help. I told my family and my parents, but I didn’t tell them in the first 3 to 4 years it was happening, and each year it got worse and worse. My mom asked my moshum if she, my mom, could make a sweat and she did. She went to get cloths and tobacco for it. My mom did a lot for me and I’m very thankful for that.

I told Meredith that I went through the same things like those kids and that’s why I wanted to take action as soon as possible. No kid deserves to be left out when they need help and I will always be here for them because I’m not going anywhere. I take good care of my people and will always always be there for them. I’m not going to let any kid be left out and I will help them until the end.

I hear their voices and I’m willing to do anything for them. I am telling everything that was in my heart to Meredith. It was a good feeling to tell her what I can do to help even just telling stories that I heard from an elder. I told her about the animals’ nature, things she hadn’t heard of. She was surprised. She helped me by hearing every single word that I was saying that can help with this book and for the kids from the north.

When Meredith was about to leave I gave her tobacco that I used to bless the food with. I gave it to her and told her, “I want to give you this tobacco for you to return to your home fire and loved ones.” She was almost crying because she hadn’t got something as special as that before.

When she went out the door I prayed for her and for a safe trip back home. I also prayed to my thunderbird brothers to guide her safely back to her home fire. It was an honor meeting her and speaking heart to heart with her.

High Hopes for Us

Yesterday we met Meredith Newman from the Child and Youth Advocate's office. She interviewed us because she is planning to write a piece on us for the Advocate Office's yearly report. After our first hour of visiting, we had a potluck lunch with more conversation. After lunch we returned to the classroom and shared some of our PowerPoints we are developing for some motivational speaking we've been invited to do in Elementary and Middle Years schools. There were hugs all around as she left, with lots of encouragement for what we're doing and hope that we will work together again.

Bailey, Meredith, Michael and Calen in Group picture

(Taish missed outbecause he was helping someone.)

 

Michael and Taish in a thoughtful moment.

 

"Meeting Meredith was a great honour. It was amazing that she gracefully came to our school with high hopes for us." Taish Desnomie

Michael, cozy in the ducky blanket, talking with Meredith

"Meeting Meredith was great, we got to know her a bit. She told us a bit about herself and what she does. She got to know us a bit more, what we plan to do for our community, and I especially want to help the kids in the north. Talking with her heart-to-heart about the book "Shhhhh...Listen!" and how I felt about it, how I went through the same thing, how I heard my name being called, and I was shaking because of reading that book. I couldn't even get to page five because there was lots of heaviness on my heart, I couldn't even sit down for a minute. I told her about the ideas that I have, that I could do to help First Nations kids and youth. I want to make them become somebody, that inner warrior that all of us need to find, we need to find our gifts and we need to find out what the Creator blessed us with. That's how come they are lost because they don't think about it. They need their culture more than they need anything because they have their ancestors in their blood and they need to keep that bloodline going and going. Young people don't need to take their own lives, they need our help, they need our support. I'm willing to do anything to help out those kids in the north. I gave her tobacco before she left. I prayed for her safe trip back home to her home fire, her loved ones and family. She almost teared up because she hadn't had that experience before from a First Nations leader." Michael Starr-Desnomie

Mrs. Koops and Meredith looking at the bulletin board outside the classroom which hlighlights the Special Report on the Youth Suicide Crisis in Northern Saskatchewan

Shhh... LiSTEN!! We Have Something to Say!: Youth Voices from the North

photo by Michael Starr-Desnomie

Lacey and Mrs. Koops took most of the pictures so we could remember our time together.

"We'll See You Again, Meredith!"