Doing the Blanket Exercise at Sacred Heart High School Yorkton by Michael Starr-Desnomie

 

When I arrive at the door of the high school I see a lot of crosses and Jesus pieces. One of the girls says it is a Catholic School. I just take a breather and go inside. The teachers shake our hands and say, “Welcome to Sacred Heart High School”. We are pointed to the gym where we can set up for the blanket exercise. I see blankets and chairs already set up and ready to go. Some people are already in there waiting, but more come and join. I am just ready to read and try to explain to people what happened to First Nations peoples. 

While reading the European script, it gets to me, telling people who don’t know about Indigenous people. It hurts me still, when I read it over and over again. I mess up on saying some words but I re-read them for people to understand better. Some lady says that I am doing great, looking around and going up to people and telling them what Indigenous people couldn’t do, what they wanted to do and went through, what darkest histories that are behind it all. I am telling people what they never knew, what all happened in the residential schools.

When we end the blanket exercise we all sit down in a talking circle, to say what we think, what we feel. I see a lot of impact on people who cried when they saw the child in their arms being taken from them and put into residential schools. Tears are going down the women’s faces and trying to talk about it, I hear a pain inside their voices. Some of them have children and they are probably thinking about what if that happened to their children and they couldn’t do anything about it or the police would come and take them. Hearing and seeing what the teachers have to say in the talking circle, thanking us for coming out and doing the blanket exercise, hearing their comments, always touches my heart, and I’m just wondering how much pain that it brings inside the teachers just thinking about it and talking about it.

When it is my turn to speak I don’t use my mind to speak; I speak from my heart, telling them thank you for your responses, thank you for sharing what you think and that you try and put yourselves in my ancestors’ shoes, like trying to imagine if all that happened to you. I am touched by them, tears rolling down my face, hitting the gym floor, saying thank you to them for letting us do this blanket exercise to share what dark history is behind it all. After my turn is done I go for a little walk and wipe my tears, then I go back into the gym and sit down. When we are done the talking circle we go around the circle shaking everyone’s hand, getting hugs, even being told “You do have a big heart. Keep it up, keep on telling people who never heard about the blanket exercise.”

 

After that they have lunch for us all and we sit down to get to know each other, like asking what we think and telling us how well we are doing. After the veggie, pizza, and various meat wraps we go to a class room and I want to tell people about our program, what we are doing and what it means. Showing them our blog, we tell them how many times we did the blanket exercise showing them pictures of our group. I even want to read my poem to them. Tears fall down some people’s faces, even mine. Re-reading my poem still makes me think about what all my people went through and it still hurts me on this very day, but I was told that I do have a big heart from a woman who is one of the teachers here.  She even asks about my necklace that I have around my neck and I tell her it’s my mom’s birth stone and I always wear it wherever I go. I tell her that I really love my mom; she made me who I am. When we are about to leave some guy gives us t-shirts and pins that have Sacred Heart High School and some toques from Oskayak High School in Saskatoon. As we drive away, I say it was a great trip to Yorkton to tell some people about the blanket exercise.

October Feels by Raven Cook

All of last week I wasn’t feeling myself due to the loss of a family member. I didn’t think it would hit me as hard, I had a lot on my mind. On Orange Shirt Day after school, we did the Kairos Blanket Exercise for a little group of people; I was okay with that. I hadn’t felt like going, I almost changed my mind last minute, but I felt the need to go. Every time is different, and this one was emotional for me; I didn’t expect that. I’m not a person to open up about my personal problems, I keep to myself a lot, but since the talking circle was small I felt comfortable about opening up about my loss. It was hard. I said things that were hurting my heart.

As the week went by slowly it was time for my family to say goodbye to our loved chapan, my kokum’s mom. We went back home to our reserve. Every time I go back there, I feel depressed. When I go back home it’s usually for a funeral. The reserve depresses me. I sat at the hall with my family; they played some Cree hymns and some gospel music. The next day was the hardest for me, I had to say my goodbyes; it was hard to see my family so sad. When it was all over, I had this empty feeling. I tried to spend as much time as I could with my family until it was time to leave back home to Fort Qu’Appelle. Those two days were so tiring for me, I’m still tired.

On Tuesday of October 10, I woke up to something that made me sad and I was already tired and emotionally drained. I didn’t want to do anything with my day, wanted to sleep and not see anyone. I remembered our class was going to Sacred Heart in Yorkton, so I got up to get ready for it. As we arrived there, I saw my old teachers Linda and Kris; I was happy to see them. I gave Linda a hug; I really needed one so I hugged her three times, almost let out some tears. My day got a little better.

That day I didn’t want to facilitate the Blanket Exercise so when I knew my classmates were going to, I was relieved. Watching them facilitate it, I felt proud of them. Each time we do this, I realize something new. The thing that stood out to me this time was “reserves” because I’ve been there recently. I shared how isolated they’ve made reserves and how poorly the people live. On my reserve there’s nothing really to do. I see most people rely on drugs, alcohol and pills.

After lunch we went into a class room for a little talking time with the teachers of Sacred Heart. We brought up the blog and talked about our blog posts. When my essay “Climbing the Hill” popped up, I knew they would want me to read it. I was shy, but I felt some courage because they cheered me on a bit. I was like, “I got this.” As I read I felt proud of myself because of the stuff I’m going through; I didn’t think I’d be able to do this. When I was done reading I felt good about it. I’m happy I got my essay out there to them. My old teachers Michelle and Linda said they were proud of me, so I feel like I’m doing something right.

 

Now I’m here writing this, thinking about all the stuff I just wrote down. The stuff I’m going through now in my life, I feel, is preparing me for my “journey to knowledge” and is going to help me grow as a person. I may still be sad but I know I can get through it because I’ve been through more stuff and I’ve been strong enough to get out of it all.

Going Back to School by Raimey Pasqua

 

 

Raimey Pasqua on the far right with Oski-pimohtahtamwak Otayisiniwiwaw graduates

Michael Cardinal and Skyler Cyr after presenting to the University of Regina

Treaty Education Class last March

Going back to school is something I’ve thought really hard about this past summer. I wasn’t really sure about what I wanted to do. I had two choices: I could keep working and make money, which sounded pretty good or I could go back to school and get my diploma, which is something I and my family really wanted for me. My mom and dad didn’t get their high school diploma, so that really put a lot of pressure on me to get mine.

I’ve been in grade twelve for almost three years now, and I don’t think it’s because I couldn’t do it; I think it was just a lack of motivation. I’ve dropped out of school twice already, and believe me, I’m not proud of it; I regretted it each time I did.

I’ve never really been someone to ask for help or ask for guidance, because it made me feel weak or that I wasn’t as good as anyone else. But recently I’ve been more open to asking questions and getting feedback on what I’ve been doing and working on. I’ve learned that it is okay to ask for help, because everyone needs help in life, whether it be at work, at school, or just in everyday life. It never hurts to ask for help. Everyone struggles in life and instead of giving up like I did, it’s always best just to ask someone for a little advice and guidance because you never know what kind of advice they might give you.

They might even say something that will have a great impact on you. For example, I recently had someone tell me that “no matter your age or what you’re going through, God has a plan for everyone, but he can’t do it for you, he can only show you the path to take and it’s up to you if you want to walk down that path or stagger off of it. I hope you walk down the good path my friend.” We talked a lot longer and he gave me so much more advice about school, life, relationships and health, and I was glad I took the time to talk to him and listen to what he had to say.

His stories and advice really made me think about what I wanted to do, so I made the decision to go back to school and get my diploma. I know it’s only the beginning of the school year but I’m completely dedicated to getting my grade twelve as it will open up many doors for me in life. After I’m done school I really want to get my heavy equipment operators so I could drive and operate heavy machinery. It looks really fun, plus I hear its good pay and I don’t have to blow my back out working my butt off for lower pay. Although I prefer working outdoors and hands on, I think I’d really enjoy operating those big machines every day. In the end I hope it all pays off, and I hope to enjoy what I do until the day I can retire.

 

 

 

 

Interview With Taish Desnomie

by Sheena Koops

Twenty-five hand drums beat out the rhythm of another round dance song. I grabbed my daughters hands and shuffled onto the dance floor, side stepping with all three girls, who took the hand of their dad. Soon my cousin and her little girls joined us too. A second circle of back up singers formed as the song continued. Strangers smiled at us as we kept moving as a family in this community circle.

I saw a young man who had been a student of mine four or five years ago. We shook hands and sat down for a visit. When I learned he hadn't graduated yet, I said, "Hey, you should join my class."

I wasn't too surprised when, a few weeks later, the principal told me, "Taish Desnomie is enrolling in your class."

I asked Taish if I could interview him for our blog. Here's our conversation.

Sheena: What made you decide to come back to school?

Taish: I guess, just wanting to graduate and wear a tuxedo at the end of the year.

Sheena: What do you think it will take for you to be successful this year?

Taish: Just keep my mind towards school, keep attending, try and study hard.

Sheena: What are some of the barriers that keep people from attending and succeeding?

Taish: It's just like transportation. Some people have bad anxiety or they don't do well in crowds or just their personal lives and what goes on in it, or other problems. You know.

Sheena: What do you need from me, as the teacher, our school and your classmates to help you on this journey?

Taish: Just kind of help me get out of my comfort zone a little more. To be out there. Try and participate in any kind of exercise that we have. That's what I expect from you and my classmates. The school? I don't really know about the school. I guess the school already has a perfect environment for everyone to feel welcome. For example, how we come into the class and there are muffins waiting for us or coffee, stuff like that. Or, some of your family is attending your school, you know that everything is going to be alright.

Sheena: What are your hopes and dreams?

Taish: I don't know. I want to get into music or something, and if that doesn't happen, join the army. I think my first option would be to join the army and maybe go somewhere and fight. Considering all the stuff that is going on in the world. I want to fight for people who can't fight for themselves, who don't have that power and ability to fight for themselves with physical or mental barriers.

Sheena: Is there anything else that you'd like to tell me?

Taish: Well, I guess I'm happy to be in school. I have great classmates, people that look out for others, that we're always on time and listening to the teacher. I think we're all going to get along and all have a great year together.

I had never been to a round dance before, but I was so happy that the school could host the Memorial Round Dance for a family from Manitoba during the Treaty Four Gathering. Not only did I get to hear Skyler, a graduate from last year, sing, but I got to meet up with Taish and now he's one of the leaders I'm privileged to work with every day.

Climbing The Hill

by Raven Cook

My fingers were fidgeting as I held the paper. I could feel myself getting anxious but I knew I could do it. Looking at the scenery of the hills – the leaves red, yellow and orange – calmed me down. I saw students half way up, some of them taking their time, and some of them were at top looking down at the harbor, campers, tipis, the hills and the lake. I thought to myself, “If they could climb the hill then I could do the blanket exercise.” haha. And I did.

When I first did the Kairos Blanket Exercise during the Treaty 4 days, I was very nervous. I read as the European voice in the script. I never knew about the exercise, and when I did get to learn about it, it made me realize that more of the history of Canada is pretty sad. I really didn’t learn about the residential schools and how they actually treated the indigenous peoples until I was in grade 9. At times reading the Europeans’ voice got frustrating and uncomfortable because of how unfairly they treated us Indigenous peoples, but at times it felt good to give the information to the students about the history.

The Blanket Exercise mentions important things in the history of Canada, the missing indigenous women; how reservations are managed poorly; the water is a risk to human health and how houses need repairs; the suicide rate in reserves. These things need to be brought up more because these things are still a problem and things need to be changed; as it says in the exercise. Some people say “get over it, it’s in the past” but you can’t if it’s still hurting some people. I visited my home reserve this summer for a couple weeks. I could actually feel and see how it affected people around me and including myself. I don’t even live there but staying there was hard. 

I performed the exercise in front of university students that are going to be future teachers and that felt good, hearing their thoughts felt good. It made me felt like I was doing something important. I look forward to doing the exercise to different people and also look forward to hearing their responses during the talking circle. The talking circle is probably my favourite part of it because it could be so powerful.                                                                                        

It’s been a week since we were out at Treaty 4 narrating the Blanket Exercise. Yesterday I climbed the hill, just to look at the view. I saw the autumn colour leaves, the sunshine showing the hill shadows, the sunset. It was windy and it felt good up there. I was looking at the Treaty 4 grounds being empty and pictured it filled with students and campers as if it were last week. I went walking in the field on top. It was quiet and still beautiful. I was thinking how people used to live up on that land and how they were taken, and how the land was taken. I walked toward the graveyard, looking at the gravestones while I passed through. I was wondering if they were at peace, wondering about the families. I made my way through the graveyard to the hill that leads down; the view that way was even more beautiful because the clouds were a purple mixed with pink and the sky darkened but you could still see the sunlight over the hills. I took my time going down this steep hill, but I ended up slipping, almost spraining my ankle. Despite that happening I would still go up the hill just to look at the view and to let my mind wonder.

 

 

Photo by Raven Cook

 

DOING THE BLANKET EXERCISE ON THE LAND WHERE ALL MY PEOPLE LIVED

By Michael Starr-Desnomie

 

TELLING THE PEOPLE WHO NEVER KNEW

WHAT ALL HAPPENED BACK IN THE DAY.
STORIES THAT THEY NEVER HEARD.
THE THINGS THEY DIDN’T KNOW
EVEN THE DARKEST SECRETS
THAT WERE HIDDEN FROM THE HISTORY BOOKS
BEHIND MY PEOPLES HISTORY.

WHAT THEY HAD TO BE FORCED TO DO
AND THEIR LAND WAS TAKEN BY FORCE
THE EUROPEANS DIDN’T SEE FIRST NATION PEOPLES
AS A FRIEND OR AN ALLY
BUT AS A PROBLEM.

WHEN I READ THE EUROPEAN SCRIPT

I KINDA HAD THAT AWFUL FEELING
SAD ABOUT HEARING
WHAT I DIDN’T HEAR
FROM ONLY STORIES
TOLD TO ME BY MY ELDERS
MUSHUMS AND KUKUMS
BUT MOSTLY, I TRY AND NOT ASK THEM QUESTIONS
ABOUT THE SCHOOLS.
BEING FORCED AWAY FROM YOUR FAMILY
YOUR PARENTS COULDN’T DO NOTHING
HEARING ABOUT THE KIDS
THAT SUFFERD
FROM DIFFERENT ABUSES.
LEARING ANOTHER CULTURE
THAT THEY WERE’NT USED TO
THEY WERE EVEN ABUSED
BY JUST SPEAKING THEIR OWN LANGUAGE.
MANY KIDS WENT THROUGH A LOT
AT THE RESIDENTIAL SCHOOLS
SOME KIDS EVEN DIED.
COULDN’T EVEN PRACTICE THEIR TRADTIONS
FOR WHO THEY REALLY ARE
BUT THEY ALWAYS KNEW
WHO THEY ACTUALY WERE
INSIDE THEIR HEARTS.

THEY COUDNT GET TOGETHER

AND PRACTICE THEIR TRADTIONS.

HEARING ALL THE THINGS I DIDN’T KNOW

ABOUT MY PEOPLE
IT HURTS ME
JUST TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED
TO MY PEOPLE
THEY WERE KILLED BY SETTLER DISEASES
THAT MY PEOPLE DIDN’T EVEN HEAR OF.

I HEARD THAT IN THE BLANKET EXERCISE

EVEN TOOK OUR LAND BY FORCE

EVEN THO MY PEOPLE WERE DEAD.
THEY STILL TOOK THE LAND

WHEN I DO THE BLANKET EXERCISE NOW

I TRY TO INMAGAINE IT
BUT IN MY HEART I FEEL ANOTHER PAIN
PROBABLY WHAT MY ANSESTERS ARE TRYING TO MAKE ME FEEL.

EVERYTIME WHEN IM DONE READING AND DOING THE BLANKET EXERCRISE.

WE HAVE TO SIT IN A TALKING CIRCLE
AND HEARING FROM OTHER PEOPLE
WHO WERE NON-INDIGENOUS PEOPLE.
THEIR COMMENTS
TRYING TO EXPLAIN
IF THAT HAPPENED TO THEM
IT TOUCHED MY HEART
HEARING ALL THOSE RESPONCES
FROM THE PEOPLE THAT WERE PARTICIPATING
IN THE BLANKET EXERCISE.

IT WAS HARD FOR ME TO SPEAK

IN THE TALKING CIRCLE
ALL OF THOSE RESPONCES GOT TO ME
AND TEARS ROLLED DOWN MY FACE
HIT THE LAND WHERE MY PEOPLE LIVED.
WHERE ALL MY PEOPLE WENT THROUGH
JUST COULDN’T HOLD IN MY TEARS
THINKING AND KNOWING
ALL THE THINGS I DIDN’T KNOW
AND FOR THE PEOPLE’S RESPONCES
FOR THE TALKING CIRCLE
THAT WE HAD AT THE END OF THE BLANKET EXERCISE.

THAT WAS MY VERY FIRST BLANKET EXERCISE

WITH UNNIVERSITIY STUDENTS.
IT WAS HEART TOUCHING
WHEN I HEARD ALL OF THEM
WHEN THEY SAID THE THINGS
THAT MOST LIKELY
WHEN IT WAS MY TURN
IT WAS HARD FOR ME TO SPEAK
WHAT I WANTED TO SAY.
THEY GAVE ME HUGS
RIGHT AFTER THAT
AND IT FELT LIKE LOVE
LIKE LOVE AND CARE
PEOPLE TOLD ME I HAD A BIG HEART
EVEN THOUGH MY PEOPLE
ALREADY TOLD ME THAT
IN A CEREMONY

THE BEST DAY I’VE EVER HAD

AT THE TREATY 4 TALKING CIRCLE

 

"Thank you for letting my ancestors speak through me," Michael says with great intention a few days later, after he first read the poem at Bert Fox Community High School's Orange Shirt Day Gathering, September 29th, 2017.